Bliss is...

Baby bought buns home last night. We dipped them in a pot of hot steamy Campbell corn and mushroom soup and ate it side by side at the dining table, looking into each other's eyes, no need for words just the pure bliss of being together.

I think we could be happy forever :)

An update of sorts

Recently Baby and I have been feeling like total piggies. Doesn't help that we're now staying in an area filled with good food left right centre. Ahhh...time to hit the pool and gym downstairs!!!

Living together has been awesome so far. But for some weird reason we still feel that there isn't enough time for us to spend together even though we go to sleep and wake up at the same time. By the time we're both back from work, had our dinner and done with our chores, we're left with maybe 1 to 2 hours before it's time to sleep.

This week has been flying past pretty well. Was on leave on Monday and then had a day off yesterday as well because of the doctor's appointment. Sigh...diagnosis said that my asthma IS BACK (for good) and I have to be on my shitty inhaler twice a day. Shitness. Today doesn't even feel like a Thursday though, so I'm pretty happy that it's already going to be Friday tomorrow hehe.

I have a date with Baby tomorrow. She said it's date night and I should pretty up, we're gonna have nice pasta just the two of us :) OHOH AND WE'RE FINALLY PARTYING THIS WEEKEND...like it's about time! Can't wait :)

Pink Dot 2010: Focusing on Our Families (Part 2)

The Big Move!

Last weekend was EXHAUSTING. I started shifting my stuff over on Saturday, worst thing was I had to work in between. Driving here and there, fetching people and boxes. My eggwhite (my egg of an car) was so hardworking and useful, love her! 辛苦你了,蛋白! LOL

I moved over a week earlier than expected cos we were too excited and I was all packed up anyway. I love love love our new room, the colors and our cozy layout. It could do with a few extra touches - a shelf here, some new curtains - but it's 80% the way we envisioned it I'd say!! We made a couple trips to Ikea and Giant to pick up little things, now the toilet is done, it's time to pretty up the living room, kitchen and dining area! I hope our new TV comes soon, at least there's internet if I'm bored (which I doubt so, gonna be busy cleaning everyday)!

Speaking of which, I love ironing. I struck a deal with Baby that I'd soak the clothes, she'd wash them and I'd iron them. I ironed her shirt this morning! :) HAHAHA. Cheap thrills we have. And we have a breakfast date tomorrow if we can wake up OR a swim date when we get back from work if we're not too tired. And our big housewarming party coming up, omggggg our life is so...newlywed! LOL.

Enough blabbering though, some pictures I'd thought to share of our new place! :)

This is the corridor leading to our room. It has cream walls and a huge gigantic mirror so we can check our reflections ALL THE TIME. Perfect for vain pots!

Our cute lil kitchen, the perfect size and color for us to experiment and hone our cooking skills!

The view from the room inside out. Look how well the colors go together!! We decided to stick to black and white, and I'm glad we did!! :) How pretty!

My switch which I "zhng-ed" haha. Cute lil cat adding that fun touch to our room.

That's "Baby" and "Mehmeh" having a ball of time on our bed :)

The side table which we bought and Baby fixed it up herself :) So proud of her, I couldn't have done it, all the hammering and nailing. I kept myself busy organizing the wardrobe hee.

The frames on the wall we put up, which I've filled with our pictures last night :)

Anyway living together opens up a whole memory trove for us to create. I went to my parent's (oh this sounds weird haha my parent's, I have 2 homes now!) last night for dinner and when it was time to go back, my mum told my brother "We're sending JieJie back now" which sounded so surreal too. Usually we'll just retreat into our own rooms after dinner and that's that. And last night, I went to pee and saw a cockroach in the toilet and scurried back to Baby almost in tears. URGH HATE ROACHES. And I gotta learn how to wash up after myself now, no more maid fawning over me. But that's the price to pay for independence, I CAN DO IT YES I CAN!! :)

L.O.V.E.

Hair Woes

Every other month I start to get this itchy feeling down my spine....to do something to my hair. For the past few months (make that a full year) I've been patiently waiting for it to grow out. I've colored it, and recently joined the "Bangs" family for a few months. So far so good.

I've always got comments that my hair is so smooth and straight, but actually only I know how damaged and dry it actually is. Looks can be deceiving!!! I've also toyed with the idea of perming it, but I'm afraid that maintaining it will not be one of my strong suits.

Oh decisions decisions. But definitely not cutting it short though.

Just last week while watching Star Awards, I commented to Baby that I wanna dye my hair a lighter color, something ash light brown or whatnot.

I found a couple pictures I like...Hmmmm what say you?? I'm feeling the 2nd perm with a lighter color!!

PINK DOT 2010!

Pweety pweety rainbow necklace, but tad pricey over $50. Nice to look at though!

Baby and I were discussing about "coming out" in Singapore after reading the Pink Dot article (click here). Now that I'm "out" so called, I feel so much lighter at heart and last night I could even text my mum "I'm staying over at Jeanette's tonight" without much hesitation. It feels good, to not have any skeletons in the closet, to be honest with yourself and the people you love.

She said all it takes is a simple change of mindset. And I agree. But changing is easier said than done. Many people do not wish to hurt their parents' feelings, or feel that they let their family down by being gay. Especially in our Asian climate where we are so subject to the expectations of society and having to save "face" for our family. I know of gay friends who bring fake girlfriends home during Chinese New Year just to put up appearances.

My thinking is this. The sooner you are honest, the sooner they will get hurt (cos they're going to get hurt anyway), the more time you have left to mend the relationship and let them get to know the real you. Ain't it?

The sooner you clear the air, the less time they have to jump to conclusions and blame themselves. Being gay is not a disease, it's just a difference just like how boys are different from girls. We're all still human, and we're all still our parents' child. Why let them love a lie, when they can love the truth? From my talk with my mother, she just wants me to be happy and lead a responsible life. She understands that I'm an adult now and can make my own decisions for myself. She's seen me make some horrible decisions, made some noise but ultimately let me suffer the consequences, and since she is giving her support now, I think perhaps I'm doing something right for a change.

Powerpuff girls

Oh before I forget, Baby texted me something very cute last night: "Baby we cannot fight you know, we lose our powers if we fight. I missed 2 trains and a bus. You got caught in the rain. No more heng heng. We must stay loving for our powers to work. Haha." :X

sweet like chocolate

Documenting about the move is probably going to be the main agenda of my posts for the time being :P I started packing my clothes yesterday, I'm only bringing over half or less than half my wardrobe, but it's already taken up 2 boxes. We're going to be buying a chest, in addition to the build-in wardrobe, and Baby said the whole wardrobe is going to be mine since she doesn't have much. Oh dear~ I hope I haven't half scared her off.

I don't have pictures to post because I only went to the place once before her mum bought it, and I'll only see it again this Saturday when the painting has been completed. We're going with the brown and pink theme, I hope it all works out nicely with our furniture and bedspreads. I think it's all in the accesories, the colors of the lighting and what not. Most importantly, we have to feel a sense of self in the room, that "oh this is our room it's so cozy" kinda feeling. LOL.

To keep myself hyped, I went to google brown/pink bedrooms and ooh, look at the pretty bedrooms I found!! :)

Anyway last evening Baby said I bullied her and then felt bad about it because I knew I was in the wrong but yet she still gave in to me. Then I started feeling sick thinking about it, and started crying, but I didn't know why I was crying. It's kinda funny now thinking about the sequence of events, but I probably cried because my heart ached for poor Baby having to suffer my nonsense and I got angry with myself. So there.

Baby said if she ever screamed at me at home next time, she will hate herself for it.

[HAHA next time if you scream at me, I will dig up this post and read it out to you.]

speechless

OMG I AM STILL IN SHOCK.

Yesterday, after coming home all drenched cos of the heavy downpour, I took a warm shower and braced myself for "the talk". Baby and I were stressing all day, thinking of worst case scenarios and what to do if such and such happened.

It turned out to be so easy, so simple, such a load off my shoulders. My mother was so easy to talk to last night, maybe cos I prepped her in the morning that I wanted to talk to her. She could totally read my mind without me saying anything o.O

We talked about everything. The past. The present. (Yes I am now totally OUT omg can't believe it. She asked me about Baby, what she does and she seems satisfied that Baby will be able to take care of me). The future. (She actually said "OK go ahead, try it out"; in other words, she gave her blessing for me to move out!)

I called Baby and we were both shell-shocked for words. Like WTF, things seem too good to be true. But they are really happening, we are really moving out, we are really setting up a home together. OMG.

Growing Up Shouldn't Be So Hard

The relationship I have with my parents is a strange bizarre one.

Like there are times when I feel they are open towards me. Like for example, when I got my first tattoo there was barely a hoohah and they were even quite interested in my others after that. And then there are times when I feel I can't talk to them AT ALL. Like when I was in a dilemma to change jobs or not.

I feel suffocated by their expectations at times. On other occasions, they try to make leeways for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it has not always been consistent. So now with this big and looming piece of news, I find it hard to decide when/what/how to say what I wanna say. It's not just conveying the news, it's letting them know the rationale behind it and that it's not their fault, I just want to grow up and be on my own for abit.

Let's hope tonight goes well. If not, I guess we have already prepared for the worst and I'm ready to leave the nest!

Excited!!!

Yesterday as I was feeling a lil better, Baby came to pick me for a short trip to Ikea nearby. It was quite a fruitful trip, we picked out almost all the furniture we wanted in our new room. I got so excited and insisted on looking at everything even though I’ve been to Ikea a million and one times. I told her, “today’s different because we actually get to buy it and use it in our house!”

I got a lil sick towards the end of the night. Everything got abit dizzy and there were flashes of white so I had to sit down quite alot. I’m sorry if I scared her, but I’m up bright and early today and I feel tons better so let’s keep our tiny fingers crossed!

gastric reflux

Just when I thought I was feeling better, I woke up at 4am this morning and had a one hour puke fest. Urgh.

All my vegetable soup from last night's dinner landed up in the toilet. The medicine and water came out as well. Not to gross you out, but omg my stomach is such a twisted mess cos of that.

To make things worse, I waited 3 hours at the polyclinic to see a doctor, who turned out to be a klutz dropping things here and there. He prescribed the wrong medicine to me (luckily I checked with the pharmacist). And 3 hours was because I went to complain to the clinic executives and they issued me a Priority number for today, imagine if I hadn't complained, I would probably be still waiting there now like a sick puppy.

Urgh. Hate being sick.

.....

Being on mc is so boring. I feel so fresh and fine today already. Pfffft.

you took my breath away

Yesterday, I woke up feeling giddy nauseous and ended up having an asthma attack, all within 15 minutes. Went to the doctor's and omg, he sent me for so many tests I kept texting Baby that I was so scared something was wrong. I thought at most they would put me on a nebulizer or something, but I got sent for bloodtest, X-ray, ECG and I have to back in two weeks time for a review and a spirometry :(

My babygirl ran out of her office after applying for urgent leave, hopped into a cab and came over to be with me. I felt so bad, but in the end, I'm glad she was there to hold my hand. I got another attack while waiting for the cab home, and I don't know what I would do without her there. She watched me sleep the whole afternoon, woke me up for porridge and medicine. She made me sweat out my fever even though I bet she was feeling so hot and stuffy as well in the room. I really really really love you and thank you for loving me so much baby.

But you know, they always say good news follows bad news. And it was really really awesome news at that!!

I'm gonna be moving in with her from next month!! :) SUPERBLY EXCITED. It's our room, our house, our space, our bed, our pool.

It seems too good to be true. How everything seems to just fall into place with her. We didn't rush anything, we just took it one day at a time with a final goal in mind, and what do you know, dreams do come true! :)

Today is our 100th day together. The first of many 100 days :)

The One

Last weekend at Border's, Baby and I chanced upon a book titled "1000 questions on Love". Curiously flipping we came across this question, "How do you know that she's The One?" and the book interestingly answered, "When you feel it in your bones and your heart sings!"

And yes, as hard as it is to believe, IT IS THAT SIMPLE.

I believe alot of us have scars to show in the process of coming out. We face social pressures from friends and family, even in the legislation there exists institutionalized discrimination against gays and lesbians. It's so much harder for PLUs to buy a house and set up home together, don't even talk about marriage.

But taking all that aside, I always correct people when they say straight relationships are normal and ours aren't. Because to me, I'm as normal as Jane or Mary or Tom, Dick and Harry, or Xiao Ming Xiao Hua and Siti and Muthu. The question to ask is: who made you think that I'm not normal?

In our search for acceptance, I find that many like us go to extremes. The self-fulfilling prophecy of thinking that you are different, makes us desire to stand out from the crowd (and sometimes make complete fools of ourselves). I hate it that lesbians and gays are made out to be promiscuous and marriage wreckers, when dirty old men are probably more responsbile for that. And we can't blame anyone but ourselves sometimes, when "pageants" such as Butch Hunt and Femme Quest are so highly sexualized in content. Like wtf is "I get turned on when I sit in my car every morning and feel the vibration". I get that you want to portray your very sexciting life, but it doesn't help improve the social image of PLUs a single bit.

It's going above and beyond the rainbow. Accepting that we are normal human beings, and not differentiating ourselves. I'm not saying there has to be total integration, but so long as we don't see ourselves any better or worse than the lay people, our sense of self worth will always be maintained because nobody can bring us down. The world is diverse, we're just part of it. And at the top of the rainbow, when you're sitting there satisfied with life and yourself, and not constantly fighting to be better, let me know if you can find happiness there. Because I think I did.

But I digress. My point being: we become that idealized lesbian who is constantly searching for that idealized partner (i.e. lesbians are all bitchy slutty so I like slutty girls OR omg she's so hot I have to have her) that we almost often never find the right person. (Because we've been searching in the wrong places.) So we almost always don't know what love really is.

We tell each other everyday, how can it be that I loved someone before you, when what I feel for you is something so different? If this is love, what was it I was feeling before? Well, sorry for our past partners, but I'm sad to say even if this isn't love now, what we had before definitely wasn't love. Deep infatuation maybe? Extreme liking? I dunno.

This is the fact of life: the relationship I have with my partner is every bit as enriching and fulfilling as a married couple who are still madly in love with each other after 20 years. It doesn't matter if she's a female or he's a male, the simple point of it being we love each other for who we are. Our bones feel it, our heart sings. Because it's a soul to soul connection, and not just a physical attaction.

But again, WHAT DO I KNOW? I'm just a mad blubbering fool in love with another mad blubbering fool in love with me. And we're happy like that. That's all that matters.

moral high ground

My friend Corinna, a really smart and independent little lady, wrote on her facebook: "people become the fastest judges when it comes to sexuality. and we're always quick to distance ourselves as the ones who stand on higher moral ground. seriously, the point being? how is your need to be self-gratified in tandem with a stranger's sexuality?".

I was thinking about it and realized it doesn't only apply to sexuality. People get on their high horses ALL THE FREAKING TIME. They think they know better who you should be with, or what you should be doing with your life, when they never spent a minute thinking about how you feel. I should know. I've been no stranger to my own condemnations recently.

But are there exceptions to it, when we should condemn someone harshly just to make him wake up? In other words, the cliched "for his own good?" What if it really is - for his own good?

A friend of mine got himself into the doldrums, and boy was it pretty murky. Now he's looking to escape from it all, and he's looking at facing some pretty harsh condemnations of his own. Running away to a foreign country where you have no kin or friend, to someone you barely know and who has already gotten you into a whole lot of trouble - does that make sense? Would you expect to be condemned?

I tried putting myself into his shoes. And then I'm caught between wanting to advice him and wanting to empathize with him. I find myself tithering on the brink of passing judgment, whilst wanting the best for him. After all, what do I know? I'm just a small little girl in a big big world.

On the other hand, I ask myself, did we as friends do enough to make him want to stay? Is posting comments and your opinions on facebook sufficient, or should we do more to meet up with him to take his mind off said unhealthy factor? Doesn't help that half of our social circle is up in Bangkok these two weeks, who is he to turn to other than the person who lured him to the doldrums in the first place?

Or should we just wish him best? Perhaps he really needs to learn it the hard way, that running away is not going to solve anything, and that sometimes, your friends really mean the best for you.

flying bikes and mammalized buses

Oh what a busy busy busy busy busy weekend. I barely had time to breathe on Saturday. I was busy with my company's gala dinner, and there was not a moment to spare. I was running left right up down in my heels making sure everything was going well, taking in donations and taking wine orders (and declining to drink with DOM - dirty old men). Sunday was mostly spent recovering and lazing around. I can't believe we slept our evening away (but in each other's arms that was sweet!).

Speaking of which, I wanted to blog about the weird dreams we have. Like for example, Baby dreamt that it was 9.45pm in her dream, and she woke up and went to check the timing, and it was 9.40pm!!! WEIRD MUCH! And then while going home, I was so sleepy I dozed off on the bus and I dreamt of the MRT track. And I woke up, and there it was in front of me, and luckily so because my stop was after the track! I would have missed my stop had I not gotten up! SO SURREAL AS WELL!!

Now that the busy busy day is over, the next item up on our list is THE BIG MOVE! Baby's moving nearer to me, and we're planning to spend more time at home, decorating our cozy room, by the pool swimming, reading our books (we bought 4 new ones yesterday!) downstairs or by the large window with the city view, planning our first BBQ party for our friends, oh the list goes on and on!!

The Day Emmy’s Youth Depleted

Today we had a sushi feast at Sushi Tei, Taka in conjunction with Emmy’s 24th! Nomnomnom!

I ordered and ordered until our table was bursting with food, I think it looked rather scary for a moment. I would like to say no more Japanese food for a month, but we all know that’s never going to happen.

 

 

Birthday girl and her yummy Oreo cheesecake. Baby and I have good taste, everyone practically gobbled the cake down even though we were bursting at our seams from dinner.

We went home early even though it was a Friday. I thought I was rather hyper and talkative in the car, maybe my body is tuned to jiggle about on Friday nights haha. Too bad I have to work the whole day today (in the office now as we speak) and our company’s big gala dinner is on tonight and I am the coordinator. Oh madness.

I can’t wait for today to be over and done with, and have some quiet time with my baby tomorrow. We’re reading a book together, I love reading with her. She only falls asleep when we’re reading over the phone but never when I’m next to her HAHA. (If you’re reading this, I’m sending some virtual kisses and good luck to you for your test later).

uno numero

Dear new blog,

You are not the first, nor can I promise you will be the last, but for now at least, you will be my space and sanctuary of penning down whatever comes to my head.

When I'm bored at work, in need of some venting, or simply feel like being a romantic, at least I know YOU'RE HERE!

So I hope we have a good relationship for as long as it lasts. You might wanna cross your virtual fingers, cos HERE WE GO!

xoxo