The One

Last weekend at Border's, Baby and I chanced upon a book titled "1000 questions on Love". Curiously flipping we came across this question, "How do you know that she's The One?" and the book interestingly answered, "When you feel it in your bones and your heart sings!"

And yes, as hard as it is to believe, IT IS THAT SIMPLE.

I believe alot of us have scars to show in the process of coming out. We face social pressures from friends and family, even in the legislation there exists institutionalized discrimination against gays and lesbians. It's so much harder for PLUs to buy a house and set up home together, don't even talk about marriage.

But taking all that aside, I always correct people when they say straight relationships are normal and ours aren't. Because to me, I'm as normal as Jane or Mary or Tom, Dick and Harry, or Xiao Ming Xiao Hua and Siti and Muthu. The question to ask is: who made you think that I'm not normal?

In our search for acceptance, I find that many like us go to extremes. The self-fulfilling prophecy of thinking that you are different, makes us desire to stand out from the crowd (and sometimes make complete fools of ourselves). I hate it that lesbians and gays are made out to be promiscuous and marriage wreckers, when dirty old men are probably more responsbile for that. And we can't blame anyone but ourselves sometimes, when "pageants" such as Butch Hunt and Femme Quest are so highly sexualized in content. Like wtf is "I get turned on when I sit in my car every morning and feel the vibration". I get that you want to portray your very sexciting life, but it doesn't help improve the social image of PLUs a single bit.

It's going above and beyond the rainbow. Accepting that we are normal human beings, and not differentiating ourselves. I'm not saying there has to be total integration, but so long as we don't see ourselves any better or worse than the lay people, our sense of self worth will always be maintained because nobody can bring us down. The world is diverse, we're just part of it. And at the top of the rainbow, when you're sitting there satisfied with life and yourself, and not constantly fighting to be better, let me know if you can find happiness there. Because I think I did.

But I digress. My point being: we become that idealized lesbian who is constantly searching for that idealized partner (i.e. lesbians are all bitchy slutty so I like slutty girls OR omg she's so hot I have to have her) that we almost often never find the right person. (Because we've been searching in the wrong places.) So we almost always don't know what love really is.

We tell each other everyday, how can it be that I loved someone before you, when what I feel for you is something so different? If this is love, what was it I was feeling before? Well, sorry for our past partners, but I'm sad to say even if this isn't love now, what we had before definitely wasn't love. Deep infatuation maybe? Extreme liking? I dunno.

This is the fact of life: the relationship I have with my partner is every bit as enriching and fulfilling as a married couple who are still madly in love with each other after 20 years. It doesn't matter if she's a female or he's a male, the simple point of it being we love each other for who we are. Our bones feel it, our heart sings. Because it's a soul to soul connection, and not just a physical attaction.

But again, WHAT DO I KNOW? I'm just a mad blubbering fool in love with another mad blubbering fool in love with me. And we're happy like that. That's all that matters.